Some People Say

by becomingbethany

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The rocks where we used to sit by the sea and steal kisses in the dark are covered over by land now. They moved the coastline further out so it’s a longer walk to the sea and it’s hard not to try and find an analogy somewhere in there.

Some people say, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” But then would this ache be in my heart? This longing for a love I knew or thought I knew?

My mother asks the question that mothers the world over ask, “Is there anyone you’re even a little interested in?”

I laugh and remember the last time she asked me that question – years ago, right before that great big love walked into my life unexpectedly.

My answer then was, “No. I think I will probably be single.” And then a long rambling something about a career and a calling and not having room for something else.

My answer now is, “I don’t even know anyone to be interested in.” And then I stop talking because I do not know what else to say.

It’s actually true that I don’t know that many eligible single men but it’s also true that I don’t know if I know how to be interested.

What do you do when you get more than you ever wanted or asked for and then have it snatched away? It still doesn’t make sense and it’s hard to place in my understanding of life and who I am and how I’m living.

Some people also say, “It was too good to be true.” And everything within me fights against that saying because if something is good, isn’t it also true?

I think of seasons and how hard it is to imagine summer in winter and winter in summer. When you are cold, you cannot imagine ever feeling hot again. My imagination was not big enough to predict the romance I lived and I do not know if it is big enough now either.

Some say the love I lived was never real. Some say that love was true for me but not for him. And some nod their heads thoughtfully and say, “Maybe you lived something that was real and true – even if only for the brief time it was possible.”

I listen to each analysis quietly and nod – agreeing and disagreeing with each in turn.  And mostly I say (and write over and over again), “Life is a beautiful mystery – full of unexpected joys and sorrows – and all we can do it is live it the best we can.”

God bless those who always find the sea and land right where they left them. And God bless those of us who find the coastline a constant ebb and flow.

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